The loss of a child in the third trimester of pregnancy or only after his birth is especially painful, since both the woman herself and the whole family are already ready for the arrival of a new family member. The baby's dowry is already ready, perhaps the name has already been chosen, perhaps milk has already begun to be produced, and the older children are waiting to see their brother or sister. The loss of an unborn child during this period is more obvious, more noticeable externally, so most often a woman also receives more sympathy from relatives than after suffering an early miscarriage.
The loss of a child at a later stage is painful in that it is more unexpected, because a woman who has passed the most dangerous period of the first trimester feels safer. Trauma is exacerbated if the woman had already felt the movements of the baby. The loss suffered in the later stages of pregnancy is especially severe also because babies born in the second half of pregnancy are buried by their parents, which is an incomparable suffering.
Every emotionally significant loss a person experiences in mourning. Mourning is a process, it is impossible to somehow artificially accelerate it. At the beginning, a woman (parents) experiences shock, a feeling of emptiness, a break from reality, an inability to believe what happened, a denial of a fact, a protest. It is difficult to concentrate, realistically assess the situation or make a decision. This is a state of stagnation and helplessness, although very contradictory emotions are experienced inside, which at any time can erupt with anger or accusation directed at doctors, the wrong world, God, himself. This first stage of shock and despair is very debilitating. Later comes the realization that the child does not really exist, but this is not yet a reconciliation. Feelings of anger, accusation, protest usually return at the moment when the child was supposed to be born or on the anniversary of his death.
In the further stage of mourning, a strong longing is experienced, constantly returning memories from the time when the woman was still waiting. Living as if in the constant presence of an event, but keeps returning to the past until that fateful day. A woman thinks a lot about the baby. Although the survival of those two realities – the present and the present – is very painful, she keeps trying to find the cause, the culprit in her environment, or blaming herself. A woman becomes conflicted, she is characterized by contrasting feelings: from anger to apathy. In this way, she unconsciously grapples with a feeling of loneliness and futility. This is a painful time for finding inner support, which is very important, because his survival helps the woman to go forward. At this stage, a woman can also begin various psychophysical disorders: insomnia, headaches, appetite and heart rhythm disturbances. Some women try to compensate for the feeling of meaninglessness they experience with thoughts of a new conception and thus discover meaning. Others, on the contrary, are afraid to even think about such a possibility.
At an even later stage of overcoming the loss, a woman is quite clearly aware of the reality of loss. There are no more illusions. She kind of capitulates, admits that reality is what it is. During this period, she can experience various morbid states – futility, depressedness, a sense of meaninglessness, loss of any activity, a strong desire to isolate, close, not to let others into her inner, and often the outside world. Signs of depression may appear, various psychophysical disorders may intensify.
The more a woman receives support and understanding in the family, the safer she overcomes all stages of mourning. Often, the help of professionals is also needed, thanks to which a woman gradually begins to regain the ability to see the situation in reality, emotional ties and relationships with those around her are restored. A woman discovers a new relationship with the unborn child, otherwise she experiences memories of him. Therefore, it is very important not to run away from pain, not to suppress it in yourself, but to survive it, to mourn it, to cry out, to talk out, to share pain with others, to talk about it with a psychologist. Constantly returning to a difficult experience and expressing it helps me survive the pain and travel to reconciliation. There are families who share their experiences with other families who have experienced the pain of losing a child. Also in the healing process it is very important to give the baby a name, to remember him on birthdays.
If you need help:
Call +370 603 57912 or write pagalba@krizinionestumocentras.lt
At the center, you can get individual psychological consultations (5-7) or join a mutual support group. They are organized 2-3 times a year. A mutual support group is a class led by an experienced psychologist, the members of which are united by similar experiences. The participants of the group tell each other their experienced stories, share unique experiences, look for effective ways to solve problems, strengthen and support each other. Interrelationship is built without evaluations and prejudices. Up to 10 women participate in the group. Meetings are held 1 time per week, remotely.
When will the next new group be, you can inquire pagalba@krizinionestumocentras.lt .
www.krizinionestumocentras.lt